I live. I laugh. I cry. I blog. You read.

I know, I know.  It’s been weeks since you’ve last heard from me, but let me tell you….things are going on here.   A lot of things.  Some are small and some are large.  Very, very large.  Quite honestly, I’m not sure where to even start.  So let’s start here….I got the job!  After weeks of grueling training and literal tears and sweat, I’m in.  Charles made it to but that’s a story for another day.

As for everything else…it started with an email.  In January, I received a Facebook email from a church I used to attend.  It was inviting me to attend the newest series called “The Vineyard”.  The focus was on relationships.  After being absent from that church for 2 years, something came over me and I immediately turned to Bob and said “we need to go.”  He immediately agreed with no argument.  So, we went.  We’ve been to almost every service since then.  It would take a few hours to go into the pain I’ve had in the past regarding the church and the people in it.  Not just this specific church, but in general.  So I’ll sum it up and tell you that exactly 2 years ago, I went to church after the body of my best friend was found floating in a channel of water in my hometown.  I was completely broken.  Physically, I felt broken.   I went to church thinking that SURELY these people whom I had known for years would be there to hold me up and tell me what to do.  What I got was a literal pat on the back from the senior pastor.  I spent the service in tears and I left feeling worse than when I had arrived.  I felt as though the body of Christ had failed me and I no longer wanted any part of it.

After that service in January, I spent roughly 20 minutes explaining away my absence to the pastor (not the same one that gave me that pat on the back, but the other one).  I told him my insecurities and he assured me that there was a place for me there, should I return.  We did return.  Week after week, we attend services and have started to feel enveloped into the church community again.  We sit in the front row, in the center.   Me…the girl who used to slink into a seat in the back, as close to the door as possible.  Once, I had to sit in the middle and I hated it.

A week ago, Bob and I met with the “teaching pastor”, Jason.  We explained our plans to get married in August of 2011 and had a multitude of questions about where we fit in in the scheme of the church.  Jason asked why we were waiting so long to get married.  We had our reasons.  Logistics, money, etc…..Jason called our bluff.  In a nutshell, he told us that waiting until next August to get married was stupid.  For all intents and purposes, we live as a married couple.  He said that waiting over a year to get married just so we can have a big, fancy wedding was just crazy.  He challenged us to think it over, talk about it and come up with a plan.

Hmm.  So…those images that were dancing in my head of a gorgeous wedding with a perfect reception site and the right lighting and….well, they are no longer.  Those hours of shopping for the perfect dress?  Crossed off the list.   In a matter of a day, I had my dress, shoes, jewelry and centerpieces figured out.  For Free.  Yes, FREE.  Jason made us realize that the important part of the wedding day is, in fact, the WEDDING.  The actual union is what makes the day.  Not the flowers or the food or the location or the (insert your thoughts here).  Jason also told us that as soon as we made up our minds to do something that was “right”, everything would fall into place.  My sister was overwhelmingly excited to let me borrow her absolutely gorgeous wedding dress.  I happened to be at her house last weekend and mentioned that we would be moving the wedding up.  In less than 3 minutes, I was putting on her wedding dress.  She happened to have her wedding shoes laying in the middle of her bedroom floor (2 years later, mind you), and kicked them my way.  Now, my sister has tiny feet.  Never in a million years would I fit into her shoes, but she told me to try them on just to see if the length of the dress was okay.  Hmm….her shoes fit.  And the dress looks different on me than it did on her.  And my mom and another sister happened to be there to see all of this happening.

Earlier that day, we visited my future sister in law.  Without knowing our plans to move the wedding, she went to the garage and retrieved a box of silver buckets that she thought we could use as some sort of decoration.  And later that night, I met up with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in months but REALLY wanted to ask to be in the wedding.  She immediately accepted and we commenced to talking about how to get dune sand and beach grass to become part of the centerpieces.  Some of the largest and most expensive parts of the wedding literally came together in less than a day and all of it for free.

Something is DEFINITELY going on here.

And, without really going into it, I highly suggest you read the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert.   My initial hesitation to read this book were based on the fact that the word “pray” is in the title.  I was in protest of anything to do with prayer or God or religion in general.  However, this book covers so much ground and none of it is based in a particular religion or belief.  She merely reports her experiences on her journey to find herself and I’m so glad she did.  In return, I’m finding a little of myself.

As a side note…today is March 27th and I made it through the whole day.  Not a difficult feat, you say.  However, as I mentioned before, it was exactly 2 years ago today that the body of my best friend, Gabe, was found.  I was sitting in my son’s soccer meeting when I got the call that I had been both hoping for and dreading for almost 4 months.  I sat in that meeting and bounced my legs, unable to sit still.  The only reason I didn’t run from the room was because my to-be-ex-husband told me to sit there.  Two years later, I choose to tell you my favorite memory of Gabe……For my 17th birthday, (which is in December) I wanted to go camping.  Gabe was the champ who agreed to go with me.  We packed our stuff and headed for the state land.  We set up a tent next to the river and settled in for the night.  Remember, it’s December..in Michigan.  But that night…the night that my best friend agreed to go camping with me…it was 60 degrees, the sky was bright with stars and yet, the softest snowflakes fell.

Do you ever wish that it was appropriate to take a picture on your camera phone…even when it’s NOT appropriate?  Like that person at the store with the freakish hair or insane outfit that you just WISH you could post on your blog?  Yeah.  I’m that person that will follow freakish hair boy down the aisle and sneak a picture.  However, in certain situations, it’s simply not appropriate.  Example: at work.  In a training class.  Boo.

But oh how I wish it were!  See, I started a new job a few weeks ago and the training is harsh.  7 weeks of training and we are not to be a second late for anything.  We are given assessments on a regular basis and if we fail any of them with less than 80%, we’re quietly shown the door.  In the same token, we are assessed by our trainer on a weekly basis and graded on a “Meets Requirements” or “Does Not Meet Requirements” scale.  Our class has already lost 1 poor fella.  He fell fate to the biggest test we had.  Moving on….There are now 9 female and 1 male left in our class.  This 1 male drives us all absolutely insane.  Crazy insane.  Put me in a padded room and let me beat the shit out of him, insane.

He had a habit of not paying attention so our instructor moved him to the front.  As if that weren’t hint enough that he should probably shape up before they ship him out…he continues to slack off in class.  The rest of us bust our behinds to make sure we know the material and this loser sits and READS A BOOK!   Reads a BOOK!  IN the front of the class!

If that weren’t a face slap…he also…(wait for it…………)

SLEEPS!  Good lord almightly how I wish I could’ve taken a photo or a video of his greasy little head, bobbing up and down as he rested his pretty little eyes while our instructor taught from the back of the class.

And thank goodness for the little girl who sits behind me.  (yes, little.  She’s 5’1″ and weighs 99lbs.)  This sweet little girl makes constant comments about his lack of attention in class and yesterday, she actually yelled “I need Jesus!” in an effort to not hurdle the 3 rows of people in front of her and tackle his lazy ass.

I love my class.

I’m here.  And alive…I swear it.

Stop back on Wednesday and there will be something of interest to read.  :)

Last week, Saturday, 2 years of hard work came to fruition.  Two years ago, I sat in the garage of my former home and had a very casual discussion with my then husband, Patrick.  We decided to pursue a divorce, with the intention of continuing our friendship and parenting our boys together.  It was important to both of us that we each find someone else with whom we could be happy.  It wasn’t always easy but we’ve made it.  See, last Saturday, I sat at my former dining room table in my former home and raised a shot glass of Tequila Rose with my current fiance, Bob,  my ex-husband and his new girlfriend, Erin.  When Bob asked what we were toasting to, I simply said “This.”  That evening, we played Euchre for 3 hours while my boys ran around, took turns sitting on our laps and watched movies before eventually going to bed.  There was laughter and friendly name calling.  Since Bob and I won all 4 games, we vowed to get together again soon to allow Patrick & Erin to redeem themselves.

So this week, I am thankful that the four of us have the relationship that we do.  I’m thankful that my kids come first.

Also this week:

*I am thankful to Ethan at the local rehab hospital for having the skill and knowledge to fit my son for his new braces.

*I am thankful to Bob for cooking dinner almost every single night.

*I am thankful that the chickens that we purchased in June have finally started laying eggs!

*I am thankful for an ex-mother-in-law who wrote me a beautiful card to tell me how much she appreciates having had the chance to get to know me.

Without airing too much “dirty laundry”, I will say that I am thankful for our local CPS, Police Department, DHS and Unemployment agency workers.  They have been absolutely wonderful to me and my family this week and I have nothing but gratitude for them.

What are you thankful for this week?

Click here to see what Addie is thankful for this week…

Tis Thursday yet again and today, unlike last week, I am finding myself with a lot to be thankful for.

*My family.  Period.

*My cousin, Katie.  She makes me laugh every time I talk to her.

* A job.  That is correct ladies…I’ve landed a job.  It’s not the one I wanted but it comes filled with benefits and vacation time and a paycheck that I can depend on.  Yay!

* 3 more weeks of vacation.  My new job doesn’t start until January 25th!

* I’m thankful for the fact that I’ve had almost an entire year off of work and during that time I was able to spend the summer with my kids and my future step kids.  We went to the beach and the parks and slept in a lot.  I was able to be present for the birth of my first nephew.  I was able to take my oldest son to school on his first day of first grade and more recently, my youngest to his first day of school ever.

* My mom.  She and I have a similar sense of humor so when I tell her that  it’s up to her if we go to Costco tonight because the roads suck donkey balls…well, she laughs.

* The fact that my house is old.  It’s a blessing to me.  This house is perfect for us and everyone else hates it.  I’m hoping that this trend continues and that we are able to continue living here until my step dad and my aunt pull their heads out of their asses and realize that the big payday that they are hoping for isn’t coming anytime soon and take it off the market!  (sorry for the run-on sentence!)

* Californication.  If you haven’t seen this show yet, do yourself a favor and rent Season 1 from Netflix or your local movie store.  It’s sure to make you chuckle.

Happy Thursday everyone!

As always…see here for Addie Parker’s original Thankful Thursday posts…

For Christmas, my wonderful mother gave me a gift card to Barnes & Noble.  So I set off to spend that gift card today and stumbled on a treasure of a table.  ”Buy 2, Get the 3rd FREE!*”, screamed the table.  I’m a sucker for a deal so I had to check it out.  Here, are some of the fabulous books that could be adorning my coffee table the next time you visit:

LOL Yeah, right.

I vote, no.

Kinda makes ya wonder how many arguments the authors had while writing this book, huh?

A whole book of quotes from people who have crappier lives than you...Enjoy!

And now for my absolute favorite…….

Yep. Someone wrote a whole book on things that white people like. That makes me laugh.

I have two faithful readers.  TWO.  But the other day, Anna See of An Inch of Gray, posted a comment on my blog.  I love, love, love her blog.  If you haven’t been there yet, you should visit.  (This means you, Mary!)  She tells it like it is and isn’t afraid to put it all out there…Snuggie family picture and all  :)

After a day like today, it’s hard to think about a happy New Year.  And it’s difficult to find things to be thankful for.  At the beginning of the week, I had a mental list that was a mile long and those things are escaping me right now.  However, there are a few things that come to mind.

*I am thankful for friends who come to help me in my time of need.  Even if it means a disruption in her kid-free time.

*I am thankful for a court system that employees helpful and intelligent people.

*I am thankful for my mom and my sisters and I cannot wait to celebrate Christmas with them on Saturday.

*I am thankful for children who enjoy sleeping and especially for the 2 year old who asks to go to bed.

*I am thankful for a fiance who loves me and adores me for just who I am.

*I am thankful for this little nugget who makes me smile every time I see him:

My nephew, Asher

*I am thankful for these 4 kids.  There are days that they make me want to scream.  But most days, they are sweet and caring and play well with each other.

Click here to visit Life With a Lady, my sister and the creator of Thankful Thursdays.

In the last week, I have gotten the fantastic news from 2 close friends and 1 fellow blogger that they are expecting babies.  Beautiful, crying, pooping, babies.  I am thrilled for all of them.  The two friends are already mothers to some fabulous kids.  The blogger will be a first time mommy and I’m sure she’ll be great!

My heart aches to hear this news from one person in particular though.  A friend of mine has been trying for the last 5 years.  She wants nothing more than to hold her very own baby in her arms.  She aches to feel the uterine kicks from that little miracle.  She cries monthly when mother nature tells her the news she hates to hear…that she did not get pregnant that month.  Rounds of fertility drugs and artificial insemination have not worked.

I hurt for her and cry for her.  I want her to feel what I have felt.  She is loving and caring and responsible and would make any child proud to have her as their mom.  So why is it that so many pregnancies go unwanted and the one thing she wants the most, she can’t have?

Thursday was my son’s 1st Grade Christmas party.  I busted out the old camcorder, charged up the battery and realized that I didn’t have any blank 8mm tapes.  Garrett and I loaded up and headed to Walmart to pick up a few things before heading to the school.

First we grabbed the tapes…then I snagged some Cordial Cherries for Robbie’s stocking.  Next on my list was a small fish aquarium for Austin.  This was a long promised pet that hadn’t materialized so I figured I’d finally make good on my promise.  Last was a small bottle of personal lubricant.  Giggle all you want…the stuff is magic when the pipes just don’t seem to be working properly.  Astroglide is my personal lube of choice and it’s cheaper at Walmart than it is at Meijer by almost $1.oo.  Now…I fully admit to you, my 2 loyal readers, that I use the stuff.  But it’s not something I flaunt around the store.  I generally shove it in the bottom of the cart and quickly make my way to the U-Scan lines.  However, Mr. Manager intercepted my beeline for said U-Scan and directed me to Lane #9.  A very nice, plump, old woman awaited my purchase.  I paid for my items and we hit the road to find some lunch and then go to the party.

We hopped on the expressway and half way there, I grabbed the Walmart bag and began to fumble for the 8mm tapes.  No tapes.  No lube.  No cherries.  Just the aquarium.  Apparently, that nice plump woman bagged everything in 2 bags…NOT ONE.  I only had one bag.

I called Walmart and waited on hold for 10 minutes only to have someone finally get on the line and tell me to simply bring in my receipt and they would have my bag at the service desk.  Fantastic!  But I had no time to turn around so we went to the party where I took pictures and decided that it was okay not to be recording it on camcorder.

School let out and I snatched up my munchkins, got back on the expressway and went straight to Walmart.  Upon entering the store, we were hit with a line of people who were awaiting the services of the Walmart Service Desk.  Grr.  I only needed to pick up my bag!  The kiddos were starving and cranky after a long day.  Waiting in line was the last thing we wanted to do.  I got out of line and went into the store to get gravel for Austin’s aquarium.  I spent $2 on chips to keep the munchkins munching while we waited back in line at the Service Desk.  While at the back of the line, a very nice Walmart Greeter took pity on me and asked if I was returning something.  I explained the situation and handed over my receipt so she could look for my bag behind the counter.  Blessed little Walmart Greeter to my rescue!

She returned without my bag.  She couldn’t find it.  She politely handed my receipt back and asked me to wait patiently.  Shortly thereafter, a Customer Service Representative came up to me and asked if I had had Cordial Cherries in my bag.  Why, yes!  Yes I did.  She asked what else was in the bag so she could see if it had been split up and placed in bins to be reshelved.  Ugh.  Here is what I was trying to avoid.  The part where I have to admit that I am missing my lube.  The lube that costs $5.68.  I could’ve just said I was missing the tapes and the cherries but for such an expensive necessity…I wasn’t willing to pay for it again.  I sucked up my dignity, handed her the receipt and watched her walk away to find my items.

She also came back with nothing.  She asked that I go get all of the items and bring them to her at the counter.  I did.  And then….in front of everyone, she took my 8mm tapes, my cordial cherries and my Astroglide and spread them across the counter so she could check everything off of the receipt.  Sweet Jesus.  Can’t a girl buy some lube in private?!